Burnout, Recovery… Repeat: How High-Achievers Get Trapped in the Burnout Cycle
I used to be able to wake up before 6am, commute for an hour and a half, leave work around 4pm, then meet friends, go to the gym, or get things done at home. Five days a week. And the weekends? Pretty much the same, minus work.
Truth be told, I was also in my twenties, lived alone, and didn’t have a dog - but even so, I think the idea remains that I would crumble if I had to do the same now.
What happened in the meantime? I finished my therapist training, got a job I didn’t think I was experienced enough for, got another job in quite a demanding service, and then got another, more senior job. All of these jobs came with steep learning curves, lots of demands, and different ways of working.
But outside of work, I enrolled on my second Master’s degree and on mindfulness teacher training (and finished both), rewrote and published my Master’s thesis in a scientific journal, started learning about working in private practice, bought my first flat, got a dog with big feelings, and went through a host of other life events.
After three years in my last job, I was probably the most exhausted, overwhelmed, unmotivated, disinterested, irritable, doubtful of myself and my purpose I’d been in a long time (if not ever).
For some reason, I had a hard time calling this what it was: burnout.
Then I went on a sabbatical and eventually left that job, and started taking private practice seriously. I finally had more time for myself, and at the same time, it was a whole new learning curve, uncertainty, doubts.
But on my own terms - which is both a great thing and a slightly dangerous thing.
Because now I have to toe the very fine line between working and doing all I can for my clients and to keep myself afloat, and being really in tune with myself and my body so I can recognise when I need to rest, meet my needs, and not overdo it. Which, as an anxious overachiever, is not easy…
The thing is, now that I’ve felt better for a while (“recovered”, maybe), I can see how insidious my mind can be in convincing me I absolutely can refine my website more, finally crack instagram for marketing, fit another client in, do a session on a day I normally keep free. And also somehow see my friends every week, stay fit and healthy, and continue training my dog.
And I know where that road leads: round the burnout wheel I’d go.
The burnout cycle
I don't think I'm particularly unique in this. In fact, I suspect this is a pretty familiar pattern for a lot of high-achievers…
You grow up with pressure and high expectations (external, internal, or usually a combination of both) which lead you to push yourself in all sorts of ways.
You overwork, overthink, overplan. You don’t say no, ignore your needs, and don’t rock the boat.
You keep this going for quite a while. Until you reach (and likely surpass) capacity. You’re exhausted, unmotivated, uninterested, numb.
You physically (and mentally) can’t do it anymore - and then you crack. Obviously, or more subtly.
You have no choice but to slow down or even stop (and you feel guilty for doing so).
After a while, you start feeling a bit better.
So, naturally, you think you must get back to things. And you do, often all at once, with no consideration of your own needs.
You put all the pressure and all the high expectations on yourself again, and… You overwork, overthink, overplan. You don’t say no, ignore your needs, and don’t rock the boat.
Of course, this cycle can look different depending on who you are and what else is going on in your life - including whether you're neurodivergent.
What may be driving the cycle
You may have noticed the cycle I described mentions pressure and high expectations. That’s easy to say, but do we ever stop to think what that actually means?
Pressure and high expectations can often look like beliefs around:
One’s own worth and how it’s tied to one’s productivity
How the only way to show one is competent is to work oneself into the ground, and that the consequence of not doing so would be being exposed as a failure
How if one were to say no, one would be letting people down
One’s ability to cope, or resilience, and how it should be much higher, and if it’s not, one is weak
… and so on. If you have these beliefs, and hold them tightly, and live in line with them to a T, they can show up at different stages of the cycle:
Overdoing everything - if your worth is tied to your productivity, and not doing all this may expose you as incompetent / a failure
Not setting boundaries and not advocating for yourself - if saying no would let people down, and expose you as weak as you should be more resilient
Surpassing capacity - ditto
Feeling guilty for slowing down - ditto
Feeling better - your mind starts to renegotiate what you’re allowed / expected to do in line with these beliefs, and you turn recovery into another achievement - “Right, I'm better now. Back to normal.”
And so the problem isn't that you need to get better at resting - but, likely, that your beliefs are telling you that you always need to be getting better at something - and they’ve not gone anywhere while you had to physically stop.
Getting off the burnout merry-go-round
When it comes to almost anything mental health-related, I often suggest starting with the same things: awareness. Because if you don’t know what’s going on and can’t spot it, it’s gonna be really tricky to change anything. So, I hope reading so far has brought some of that.
From here, the work might look like a combination of:
Identifying your burnout-perpetuating beliefs, and considering if they actually serve you, or if it may be worth reconsidering just how tightly you hold onto them
Learning to notice what the signs of burnout cycle look like for you
Relatedly, learning to notice what your mind and body say, and what needs aren’t being met
Practising, bit by bit, meeting these needs earlier and earlier, ideally before you’re caught up in the cycle, and more as part of a new way of living
Being aware of whether the pressure and high standards get transferred onto things like finding a “perfect wellness routine” - so you don’t get caught up in “Right, I've identified my burnout. Now I need to become extremely good at preventing burnout.”
If you’re having trouble finding a balance between doing everything to a very high standard and burning out…
That’s a plight many overachievers have - one that I’ve been through myself (and still need to keep a close watch on), and through which I’ve been supporting clients in therapy.
You can read about how I work with high-achievers, and, more specifically, how I approach therapy for low self-esteem, for anxiety, and with neurodivergent folks.
Hi, I’m Carina - an experienced, yet very human BABCP-accredited CBT therapist specialising in working with high-achievers with low self-esteem, high-functioning anxiety, or OCD, including autistic and ADHD folks, as well as LGBTQIA+ folks.
I use evidence-based approaches - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but really from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness perspective - so if you’ve tried CBT before and haven’t really connected with it, I might be your person.
If you’re curious about what this could look like for you, I offer a free, no-pressure initial chat.
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