Are You Overthinking Your Overthinking?
The Second Layer: When Your Mind Gets Caught Up in Itself
I’m a therapist, but I’m no stranger to getting caught up in my own mind (hell, that’s probably one of the reasons I became a therapist in the first place!).
So to start this post off, I thought I’d take you back to circa 2014-2015 - smack-bang in the middle of my attempts to understand why I had felt and perhaps was still feeling so stuck (and anxious, and low, and insecure).
After a really rough year, I’d finally admitted that maybe I did need some help, and gathered enough courage to seek it. A couple of terrible therapists later, I discovered mindfulness, and started practising it, reading about it, listening to podcasts - anything I could get my hands on.
It was going quite well, to some degree. I was getting so much better at noticing my thoughts - such as how I was worrying about work and my career path, or how I was comparing myself to more successful friends and colleagues, or how I was questioning what I had written to a potential date.
But I was still stuck, and I wasn’t sure why.
The first layer - the thing you’re actually thinking about
People don’t tend to naturally think about their thoughts, emotions, or the role they play in how we function day-to-day. But if someone asks you what you’re thinking about, you might be able to say you’re worried about work, or about all the things you’ve got to do, or about your relationships, and so on.
Now if you’re someone who struggles with things like anxiety, low mood, or low self-esteem, you might have developed a bit more awareness of what kind of thoughts or thought patterns tend to show up in your mind, and how these may be linked to how you feel.
You might have got quite good at spotting what you’re thinking, or overthinking, or worrying about, and even at realising that you are, in fact, caught up in some unhelpful thought pattern.
If you’re here and still reading, though, I’m guessing that all didn’t quite do the trick.
The second layer - when you start thinking about the thinking
This is where a lot of people get tripped up.
Say you’ve noticed you’re overthinking, worrying, catastrophising. Great. Except what tends to happen next is often something that sounds sort of like “Argh, I’m ruminating again. Why do I keep thinking about this? I bet other people don’t obsess about this stuff, they just live their lives. Why can’t I do that? What’s wrong with me? This is so stupid. I wish I could just stop.” etc etc etc
What’s happening here? My brain can’t help but remember those Robbie Williams lyrics that say “I’m contemplating, thinking about thinking.”
Because that’s what you’re doing - well, not so much the contemplating part, or at least, not in any useful way. You’re still overthinking, ruminating, or worrying - it’s just that the subject has changed. Instead of thinking about the original issue, you’re now thinking about the fact that you’re thinking about it, why that’s a problem, what it means, and how you should stop.
That’s where I was getting caught up too (and honestly, still do, sometimes) - I was noticing I was overthinking, and then overthinking my overthinking - leaving me none the wiser.
Sometimes we have beliefs about our own thoughts, too
I’m trying to resist starting this section by saying something like “the thing about thinking is that it’s complex” - because, of course it is. But what I mean here is that our cognitions, or mental processes, aren’t always readily available to us, or neatly expressed or crystallised.
We often have some hidden beliefs - about all sorts of things - but relevant in this case are the beliefs we may hold about our thinking processes (and linked emotions) themselves.
Beliefs like…
Worrying helps me prepare. (but also, “Worrying is bad and I should be able to stop.”)
If I don't think things through, I'll miss something. (but also, “I should be able to stop overthinking whenever I want.”)
Anxiety means something is wrong.
I shouldn't be anxious anymore.
If therapy is working, I shouldn't still be having these thoughts.
If I'm still ruminating, I've made no progress.
So, if I notice myself worrying, there might be a part of me that believes it’s helpful, so I keep doing it - but also, a part of me that believes I should be able to just switch it off when I’ve had enough. No wonder I end up caught in a bit of a bind.
Or if I notice myself ruminating, I might immediately interpret this to mean that I’ve made no progress and everything is futile - and really buy into this thought now.
There we have it - we contain multitudes, as Walt Whitman, and many others after him, have said.
So what do you actually do about it all?
You know how I’ve been talking about noticing, getting curious, being flexible - well, that was foreshadowing, as there’s no failproof recipe for this work. But what I can offer is a list of things to consider, in no particular order, and without expecting yourself to try it once and become an expert overnight. Here we go:
Get really good at noticing what I sometimes call the first layer - that first level of thoughts and thought processes about whatever issue is going on
For example, through mindfulness (either meditation or by incorporating it into daily life - maybe both)
Identify your beliefs - and see if you can either
Challenge them (e.g., is worrying really ever helpful?)
Hold them a little more lightly so that, even if there’s some truth to them, they don’t keep you stuck (e.g., ruminating may well be unhelpful, but I also can’t just switch it off - it’ll take time and practice to be able to handle it more helpfully)
Practise noticing the second layer (e.g., ah, I’m ruminating about ruminating!)
Try various ways of unhooking from these thought processes
Say “thanks, mind, but I’ll focus on this more valuable thing there” or
Imagine the words or the scene in your mind on a TV screen with static or
Imagine the words narrated in a cartoon character’s voice
Anything to remind you that this is just what your mind is coming up with now, and although it may be painful, you don’t need to pay it that much attention
Be curious, patient, and kind to yourself - a big one, I know, but I’d say these attitudes underpin the whole work, so see if you can
Observe things like a curious scientist
Be patient like you would with a toddler or a puppy, and
Notice when things go well too
If your mind spends a lot of time thinking about thinking…
It’s doing what human minds, including mine, do! But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to work with it a little differently, so you can dedicate more effort and time to being the person you want to be, and living the life you want to live.
If you’d like to explore this, it’s exactly what I work on with people in therapy.
You can read about how I work with high-achievers, and, more specifically, how I approach therapy for low self-esteem, or for anxiety - all areas where overthinking tends to be ripe.
Hi, I’m Carina - an experienced, yet very human BABCP-accredited CBT therapist specialising in working with high-achievers with low self-esteem, high-functioning anxiety, burnout, or OCD, including autistic and ADHD folks, as well as LGBTQIA+ folks.
I use evidence-based approaches - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but really from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness perspective - so if you’ve tried CBT before and haven’t really connected with it, I might be your person.
If you’re curious about what this could look like for you, I offer a free, no-pressure initial chat.
