The Problem With Trying To (Over)think Your Way Out Of Anxiety
Why can’t doing things just be simple? You have something scheduled, you start getting ready an hour or so before, you go and do the thing. Simple.
Not you.
You need to think about it before you’ve even scheduled it - to make sure it ‘fits’ with what you’re doing the day before and the day after.
You need to check the weather a few days ahead to make sure you’ve got the right clothes ready.
You need to check your route the night before and consider all your options carefully - even though the differences are minimal, really.
You need to consider what happens if you get stuck on the way, or you miss one of your connections, or you get hungry or need a toilet.
You need to, of course, think about all the possibilities of how things may go during your actual thing - and make sure you’ve planned and prepared for each and every one of them - what people may say, what that might mean, how to get out of it, and so on and so forth.
Most of all, this never bloody stops.
It’s not like there’s a finite number of things for you to consider, and you spend a reasonable amount of time on them, and then you’re done.
You’re never done. Your mind keeps generating new “what ifs”, convincing you that once you’ve thought through just one more scenario, you’ll finally feel prepared enough.
Except another one always comes along.
It’s never simple for you.
Why overthinking makes so much sense
There’s a reason why the human mind is so prone to overthinking - it’s the ultimate reason, really - survival.
Thousands of years ago, life was pretty dangerous for our ancestors - so they needed to have minds that were primed to spotting threats. They needed to notice, predict, and judge anything that might be dangerous.
But life has changed quite a lot since thousands of years ago - even in the last fifty years or so! Modern life doesn’t come with as many immediate, life-threatening dangers - yet our minds still function as though it does.
We replay memories to get lessons already learned a long time ago.
We compare ourselves to others so we don’t get excluded and have to face life alone, even though we can now pretty much compare ourselves to curated versions of the lives of millions - and if that’s not a recipe for feeling not good enough, I don’t know what is.
We worry because we truly believe it helps us solve problems, prepare, and be responsible.
We always have goals in mind to get us further in life but before we know it, this turns into constant dissatisfaction.
And if you dig a bit deeper, you might find a bit more to it. Not thinking things through (or rather, going through every single possible scenario in your head multiple times) might feel like leaving things to chance. This comes with the super uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty, and lack of control, and anxiety.
So, going over things (and over, and over) also gives your mind something to do to distract you from anxiety, reassure you, and make you feel more in control - as though there’s something you can do, or as though absolute certainty can be reached.
Add to that the socially reinforced messaging of “just think it through” and “be logical” - and you’ve got yourself very much stuck in thought patterns that used to be helpful, but now create suffering.
The trouble is, because your brain experiences overthinking as helpful, it learns to do it more and more.
Why it keeps you stuck
I’m reminded of two quotes which I think illustrate the futile nature of overthinking in all its forms:
“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened” (attributed to Michel de Montaigne and Mark Twain), and
“Worrying is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere” (attributed to Glenn Turner)
That’s just the thing about overthinking - there are valid reasons why we do it, and yet, can we stop and consider how truly helpful it actually is?
Does it get us answers?
Does it teach us anything?
Does it prepare us?
Does it protect us in any way?
Thinking might, but overthinking - not so much. Because there's a point where thinking stops being productive and starts becoming repetitive. Where you're no longer gathering new information or coming up with new ideas - you're just going round the same loop, hoping it will finally arrive at an answer that makes you feel safe enough.
The more time your mind spends trying to eliminate every possible risk, the less time and energy you have left for actually doing the thing you were worried about in the first place.
Instead, what it does do is get in the way. It keeps your mind so focused on reducing threats and feeling better, that it forgets to actually live the life you want to live.
What helps instead
We’ve talked about getting stuck in overthinking. So, instead of trying to think harder or better - we need to get unstuck. Which means that we won’t try to ‘think more positively’, or ‘get rid of negative thoughts’, or ‘empty your mind’. We’ll learn to relate to this thinking pattern in a more helpful way, so it doesn’t get in the way of you doing what you want to do.
But, because we’ve also talked about how overthinking comes pretty much automatically, the first step might be to actually notice when your mind is hijacking you in the first place.
That’s where mindfulness comes in - as a way to learn to notice whatever you’re experiencing, moment by moment. To notice what draws your attention, what you tend to engage with and how, and to create a little space for you to make more helpful decisions.
And as you get better at noticing yourself getting caught up in overthinking, you might also learn lots of different ways to ‘unhook’ from this. The trick here, though, is to understand that a lot of the time, (over)thinking is just what the mind does - so we’re not trying to get rid of that. What we are trying to do is allow the mind to be doing what it does, while not shining a spotlight on it, and instead focusing your attention on what is truly valuable for you.
So you’ll be able to notice the patterns and stories your mind comes up with, let them run in the background, while you’re finishing work on time, saying ‘no’, spending time with loved ones, or coming back to a long-lost hobby.
If your mind keeps getting caught up in unhelpful paths and patterns, and it’s getting in the way of actually living your life…
You’re most definitely not alone, and there are ways to get unstuck. In fact, this is the exact sort of thing I work with in therapy.
You can read more about how I approach therapy for high-functioning anxiety, or, more generally, therapy for high-achievers.
Hi, I’m Carina - an experienced, yet very human BABCP-accredited CBT therapist specialising in working with high-achievers with low self-esteem, high-functioning anxiety, or OCD, including autistic and ADHD folks, as well as LGBTQIA+ folks.
I use evidence-based approaches - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but really from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness perspective - so if you’ve tried CBT before and haven’t really connected with it, I might be your person.
I offer a free, no-pressure, initial chat to see how we fit and if it would be helpful to work together - it would be great to meet you!
