Is My Perfectionism Actually OCD? 5 Signs High-Achievers Miss
You were meant to close your laptop an hour ago - but here you are, still re-reading that email to make sure you didn’t make any catastrophic typos that’ll cost you your job or your reputation. You just can’t let it go.
Or maybe - you were meant to sit down for a meal with your partner, but you’re still tidying up because you have visitors tomorrow and want to look put together. It feels really urgent.
Or perhaps even - you were going to go to the gym, but you feel too tired for a full work-out, so you decide to skip it entirely because you can’t bear ‘half-assing’ it. It just doesn’t feel right.
Or, or, stick with me - you’re lying in bed awake way past what your reasonable bedtime is, and can’t stop going over that conversation in your mind, to make sure you’ve not made a fool of yourself. So on and on your mind goes - and the more you try to get rid of it, the more it comes back with a vengeance.
What do all these scenarios have in common? Yes, your high standards and, if you’ll allow me to say so, some perfectionism - but could there be a bit more to it?
Are perfectionism and OCD related?
Let me just try and cut through the noise - the answer to this question is yes.
That doesn’t, however, mean that everyone with OCD is a perfectionist, nor that all perfectionists have OCD - or that if you’re either person, you’re ‘doomed’ to become the other.
It means that, like many mental health difficulties and issues, there can be common underlying mechanisms. So, if you’re a lil’ confused right about now - that’s to be expected, because this whole mental health thing is confusing, especially in the age of 10-second social media posts that try to give you definite answers with no nuance (ok, I’ll step down from my soapbox now).
So, here’s my attempt to bring a bit of clarity, with the necessary nuance:
A lot of psychological difficulties come with a set of beliefs and rules we’ve developed for ourselves as a result of our experiences.
For perfectionists, these can often sound like “I’m not good enough”, “I’m a failure”; “I must always give 100%”, “If I slow down, I’ll fail”, “If I make a mistake, I’ll be found out”.
For people with OCD, especially high-achievers, this can actually be very similar - sometimes with an added layer of “I’m a bad person” or “If I mess this up, I’ll be responsible for a disaster”.
See, there are common themes around a fear of failure, a fear of being “found out” as inadequate, and a need to make sure this doesn’t happen.
And this is where it can get a bit tricky in real life, because it doesn’t always look the same for everyone.
5 signs it might be OCD - not “just” perfectionism
A lot of perfectionists and high-achievers have high standards which show up as doing lots of extra work, or “overdoing” things generally (and we can talk about this in another post!). But if this is actually veering more towards OCD, there are some other mechanisms at work.
You can’t let it go until it feels “just right”
When you’re going over something (like an email or a document) again and again, it sort of gets to a point where you’re not really checking for errors and making sure it’s in tip-top shape anymore. There’s a bit more to it, like an invisible pull to keep checking, because it’s not satisfactory enough, it doesn’t feel right, and the thought of letting it go comes with anxiety and distress.
It feels urgent
Sometimes, it’s less about getting something right, and more about how urgent it really feels. You get an intrusive thought or image in your mind - and then feel like you immediately, urgently have to do something about it to either make sure the thought or image doesn’t come true, and/or to make yourself feel better.
You’re not doing it just to do well, but to feel ok
This is often the bit people don’t quite realise at first. All the things you do - overchecking, overplanning, replaying, asking for reassurance - they’re not just to make sure you do well, or make a good impression. Of course, that’s a big part of it, but there’s also a part of you that is terrified of not doing all these things because of the distress it may cause, in and of itself.
Your rituals are taking quite a lot of time
Bit by bit, over time, it can all start taking up more time and space than you’d expect. Naturally, if you’re scared of what it feels like not to do all these things, you do them more, right? So it spirals a bit, and you end up spending hours every day stuck doing all these things to make yourself feel better because you’ve avoided a catastrophe.
Relief doesn’t last long
Even when it seems to “work” in some ways, it doesn’t stick. If you check and see you were right, or ask for reassurance and get it, you feel some relief - but it’s not enough. Before you know it, you get that urge to check again, to relieve the anxiety that’s already built up.
So, apart from wanting to do things well and not wanting to fail, there’s also a layer of intrusive thoughts and images about endless “what if…” catastrophic scenarios, which scream at you to give them attention and resolve them in some way. Which you do, by doing things over and over and getting stuck with only very temporary relief.
Why this is important
There’s a lot of mixed messaging and misinformation around mental health out there.
That’s why I think it’s so important to understand what’s really going on - so you don’t continue spending hours on end stuck in these loops, exhausting yourself, withdrawing from what’s most important for you because there’s just not enough time.
So that you don’t beat yourself up for not being able to “just let it go” or “just relax”, or because deep breathing or journaling about all this makes it worse.
So that you know that what’s happening for you has a name, that you’re not the only one, and most of all, that there are things that can help - even though general anxiety tools or ‘just set boundaries’ advice often doesn’t quite touch the different loop that’s going on.
Why OCD needs a different approach
Here’s the thing: OCD is one of the more misunderstood difficulties out there. And if you don’t have OCD or specialist training in understanding it, you might accidentally reinforce it.
Let’s take the intrusive thoughts: It would make sense to challenge them, right? Or to try and show yourself they’re not true. But every time you do, you’re essentially signalling your brain that the thoughts are relevant and important and in dire need of attention. Truth is, you’re looking for certainty that’s impossible to find. So, instead, what might be useful is to learn to zoom out and realise when you’re getting stuck in the same thought patterns, rather than getting involved with the thoughts themselves.
Let’s take reassurance seeking: You’d think asking for reassurance (and getting it) would… reassure you. But it doesn’t, does it? What tends to happen is that you get some relief for a while, and then it all comes back. That’s because, again, you’re trying to make the thoughts go away, and make yourself feel better - which, again, is where people tend to get stuck in loops. Instead, your mind needs to learn, bit by bit, to be with the uncertainty.
And finally, let’s take avoidance: If all else fails, surely just opting out of some situations would make sense. And this one’s sneaky, because avoiding triggers might actually reduce some of your intrusive thoughts and some of the anxiety. But you know what else you might find? Some of the meaning and richness in your life reduces too - because, understandably, you are shrinking, and limiting your life to try and deal with it all. So, instead, you might “face your fears” - but in a gradual, safe way, having learned tools so that the thoughts and the anxiety don’t throw you around as much.
If you’re starting to realise that your perfectionism might have a tinge of OCD…
You’re in the right place. This is the exact sort of thing I work with in therapy. You can read more about how I approach therapy for OCD, or, more generally, therapy for high-achievers - there’s a common theme!
Hi, I’m Carina - an experienced, yet very human BABCP-accredited CBT therapist specialising in working with high-achievers with low self-esteem, high-functioning anxiety, or OCD, including autistic and ADHD folks, as well as LGBTQIA+ folks.
I use evidence-based approaches - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but really from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness perspective - so if you’ve tried CBT before and haven’t really connected with it, I might be your person.
I’ve actually created a free workshop all about how OCD may show up in high-achievers, and two steps to start addressing it in a way that actually helps.
I also offer a free, no-pressure, initial chat to see how we fit and if it would be helpful to work together - it would be great to meet you!
